St. Patrick's Church, Summer Hill NSW
04 May 2008




Today, Maya became a child of our (Catholic) God. Donning Bea's christening outfit, Maya was particularly attentive during the ceremony. She was just quietly taking in everything - the priest's soft voice, the waft of perfume from her godparents, the solemn ceremony, chilly air, her sister's excitement, and her parents' cuddles. But that's trademark Maya. The silent stare that seems to linger forever.

Even as the priest poured holy water over her head twice, she was silent to the amazement of the few yet very, very dear friends who were with us.

It made me think how vastly different our two daughters are. Bea's cesarean, while Maya was normal birth. Bea's baptism was a huge, huge occasion with over 50 guests turning up and family and relatives abound. Maya's, however, saw only four people with us during the ceremony. Yet in the stark contrast of these experiences, we still count ourselves fortunate. Our family has grown, and we have found new friends.

I've included a photo of the fabulous cake made by Maya's equally fabulous godmother, Maritza.

Recently, in my private journal 'Under the World', I've written a piece on sadness, which at one time or another, afflicts all of us. I've published it below. Tell me your thoughts.
-------------------
Whatever this affliction is, I feel it feasting on my core. Tearing away at my limbs. Burrowing itself deeper and deeper into my being. And then, I really don’t know what happens next.

I would hate to give it a name. Depression. Blues. Boredom. Evil. That would be confirming its real presence. I prefer it confined to lumps of descriptive thought. Harness its force into prose or poetry. Anything to keep it imaginary.

But how long can I cage it in me? How long can I put on this face? How long before it gnaws at my mask and leaves me bare and naked before the world? Exposed.

I try to tell myself this isn’t me. I’m not THIS vulnerable. I can’t be weak. Especially not now. The timing would be devastating. But how can one inject the convenience of time into an unknown demon?

Not demon. Maggots. I shall call them maggots. And I will try to keep them at bay today.